Sex World Records - Men Versus Women Humor - Marriage Relationship Jokes
Hey there! Welcome to our Comedy Central pages, a virtual paragon source of laughter generating jokes and online dating related humor that will keep you amused for hours! Hey, the world needs more smiles an we just try and do our share! No freaky side pop banners or cookie placing pop under ads to obstruct your way, just tons of funny content that might also teach you a thing or two! We hope you enjoy your silly self!
Quick Fact: What's the number one quality women look for in a man? Sense of humor, of course!
 Welcome to Part 6, the final installment of this series that explores how guys and girls feel, talk, and think differently about sex, love, relationships and dating in general! Here is just some fun repartee to perhaps give you a grin and send you on your merry way.
Adult Humor and other adult content can be found within these pages. You
must 18 years of age or older to read and deliver these jokes to friends and or family.
We hope this series has been helpful, funny and thought provoking. Lord knows Neither of the sexes will ever completely understand the other, but hey! Isn't that really half the fun? Have some fun and tell a friend!
Random thoughts and closing Arguments
Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of
female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100
men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight,
talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and
couldn't drive.
Note: No further testing is planned.
CONFUCIUS SAY
- Passionate kiss like spider web - lead to undoing of fly.
- Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
- When lady say no, she mean maybe.
When lady say maybe, she
mean yes.
When lady say yes - she no lady!
Marriage: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
Husbands: Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.
One is to let her think she is having her way, and the other is to let her have it.
Quotable Quotes:
"Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd
be married too. "
~H. L. Mencken
"Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should
be happier than others. "
~Oscar Wilde
I must admit, the last fight I had with the wife was my fault.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
Signs Your Spouse is Having an Affair on the Computer
10. Lately she sits at the computer naked
9. After signing off, she always has a cigarette
8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive
7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up
6. She's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand
5. She makes sarcastic remarks about your "software"
4. Lipstick on the mouse
3. During sex, she screams "A colon backslash enter insert!"
2. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underpants
1. The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy's ass
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills...
She had 14 kids, but she didn't mind a bit!
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a well known Dallas gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately asks her to undress. After she has disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.
"Do you know what I'm doing?" he asks.
"Yes," she replies. "You're checking for any abrasions or abnormalities."
"That's right," says the doctor. Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"You're checking for any lumps or breast cancer," she replies.
"Correct," says the doctor. Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and begins having sex with her. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes and genital warts-which is why I came here in the first place."
A swell feeling fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
Poor Little Shaved Pussy Cat!
Why would anyone shave a nice hairy pussy?
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