Sex World Records - Men Versus Women Humor - Marriage Relationship Jokes
Hey there! Welcome to our Comedy Central pages, a virtual paragon source of laughter generating jokes and online dating related humor that will keep you amused for hours! Hey, the world needs more smiles an we just try and do our share! No freaky side pop banners or cookie placing pop under ads to obstruct your way, just tons of funny content that might also teach you a thing or two! We hope you enjoy your silly self!
Quick Fact: What's the number one quality women look for in a man? Sense of humor, of course!
 l come in handy for the ladies that try so hard to understand, "what is
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means...
"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"Football is a man's game."
Really means...
"Women are generally too smart to play it."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means...
"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I
admit I'm hurt."
"I do help around the house."
Really means...
"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means...
"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it."
Really means...
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely
clueless."
"What did I do this time?"
Really means...
"What did you catch me at?"
"What do you mean, you need new clothes?"
Really means...
"You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."
"She's one of those rabid feminists."
Really means...
"She refused to make my coffee."
"But I hate to go shopping."
Really means...
"Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your
purse."
"No, I left plenty of gas in the car."
Really means...
"You may actually get it to start."
"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."
Really means...
"I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my
chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions."
"I heard you."
Really means...
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping
desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the
next 3 days yelling at me."
"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means...
"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"You look terrific."
Really means...
"Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I brought you a present."
Really means...
"It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."
"I missed you."
Really means...
"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of
toilet paper."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means...
"No one will ever see us alive again."
"We share the housework."
Really means...
"I make the messes, she cleans them up."
"This relationship is getting too serious."
Really means...
"I like you more than my truck."
"I recycle."
Really means...
"We could pay the rent with the money from my empties."
"Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful."
Really means...
"Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"
"It sure snowed last night."
Really means...
"I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now."
"It's good beer."
Really means...
"It was on sale."
"I don't need to read the instructions."
Really means...
"I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
"I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
Really means...
"If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."
"I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
Really means...
"Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."
"I broke up with her."
Really means...
"She dumped me."
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