Page One of the Ultimate Q/A Joke Archive!
Every stupid silly joke is listed in hypothetical order!
Q: What is the definition of suspicious??
A: A nun doing pushups in a cucumber patch.
The husband said to his wife, "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?"
"Okay," she said. "You stand by the ironing board and I'll lie on the sofa and watch TV."
Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A: It's not hard.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? - 45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? - 45 minutes
Life stinks- I lent a guy ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now I don't know what he looks
like!
What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? - Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? $3.99 a minute.
Q. What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
A. Fucks Funny!
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's
disease?
You get to meet new people every day!
What is the difference between a battery and a
woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is
good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
Why is it difficult to find men who
are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They've got boyfriends already.
What is the
similarity between a woman and laxative?
They both irritate the shit out of you!
What's the
difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
Why is the space
between a girl's tits and hips called the waist?
Because you could put another pair of tits in
there!
Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards?
They like the part where the
hooker gives the money back.
Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?
They were both
designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are always playing with them.
Do you know why
they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
Why do
women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.
What's the
medical term for a female-to-male sex change operation?
Strapadictomy.
How is a pussy like a
grapefruit?
The best ones squirt when you eat them.
What's the difference between a blonde
and a mosquito?
A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it.
How do you tell if a chick's too
fat to fuck?
When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them.
What is the
difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!
Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning?
Did you ever try to peel apart a grilled
cheese sandwich?
How do we know God is a man?
Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste
like chocolate!
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don't have
balls to scratch.
What is the definition of making love?
Something a woman does while a guy
is boning her.
What do rednecks do for Halloween?
Pump kin!
Why do men like blowjobs?
It's the only time they get something into a woman's head straight!
What's the biggest problem
for an atheist?
No-one to talk to during an orgasm! (Oh, God!)
What's worse than a cardboard
box?
Paper tits!
What is 60 foot long and stinks of piss?
A conga line in an old folks
home!
What's the best thing about a blow job?
Five minutes of peace and quiet.
What's
the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK?
One got his head blown off and the other was
assassinated.
Two condoms walk past a gay bar. One of them says to
the other, "Hey, whaddya
say we go in there & get shit-faced?"
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