Sex World Records - Men Versus Women Humor - Marriage Relationship Jokes
Hey there! Welcome to our Comedy Central pages, a virtual paragon source of laughter generating jokes and online dating related humor that will keep you amused for hours! Hey, the world needs more smiles an we just try and do our share! No freaky side pop banners or cookie placing pop under ads to obstruct your way, just tons of funny content that might also teach you a thing or two! We hope you enjoy your silly self!
Quick Fact: What's the number one quality women look for in a man? Sense of humor, of course!
 Welcome to Part 4 of this series that
explores how men and women think differently about sex, love, relationships and dating in general! Here we
venture into the world of the what men actually mean when speaking about common, every day events and
situations
Adult Humor and other adult content can be found within these pages. You
must 18 years of age or older to read and deliver these jokes to friends and or family.
Eventually, all women in relationships will hear these odd bursts of chitter chatter
that's meant to make you passive, so it's best to prepare now! Hopefully,this little exercise will become valuable
information at some point in your life! Good luck and have some fun!
Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of
female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100
men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight,
talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and
couldn't drive.
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS
"I'm going fishing."
Really means...
"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream
with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"Let's take your car."
Really means...
"Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."
"Woman driver."
Really means...
"Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and
has a better driving record than me."
"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."
Really means...
"As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray,
mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."
"It's a guy thing."
Really means...
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have
no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...
"Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means....
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog
drooling.
"Good idea."
Really means...
"It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."
"Have you lost weight?"
Really means...
"I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."
"My wife doesn't understand me."
Really means...
"She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."
"It would take too long to explain."
Really means...
"I have no idea how it works."
"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means...
"The batteries in the remote are dead."
"I got a lot done."
Really means...
"I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."
"We're going to be late."
Really means...
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Hey, I've read all the classics."
Really means...
"I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."
"You cook just like my mother used to."
Really means...
"She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means...
"I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means...
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear."
Really means...
"Are you still talking?"
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means...
"I forgot our anniversary again."
"You expect too much of me."
Really means...
"You want me to stay awake."
"It's a really good movie."
Really means...
"It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."
"That's women's work."
Really means...
"It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
"Will you marry me?"
Really means...
"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there
is no more peanut butter."
"Go ask your mother."
Really means...
"I am incapable of making a decision."
"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means...
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl
I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever
owned, but I forgot your birthday."
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